5:50 am – Awake. Gotta pee. Again. Sigh. Change alarm to 6:30 am to hopefully get some additional and badly needed sleep. Make mental note – majority of my water consumption should be done before 2:00 pm each day.

6:30 am – Get up. Reluctantly. Would love to have even four consecutive hours of sleep.

6:45 am – Showering – going to lunch with my bestie, Alesha. Must be presentable. Not that she would care. So excited – human adult contact and good Mexican food!

7:15 am – SDs outside, moseying around the yard. Pick up bowls and prep their breakfast. SD1 turns nose up at marshmallow fluff. Will try pills later. Both eat their breakfasts, make huge mess and do not empty bowls. Is the honeymoon with chicken and rice now over? Sigh. Realize rice on floor looks like maggots without my contacts in. Make mental note to get more eggs and acid reducers at the store. And toilet paper. And rice. Didn’t I just shop on Monday?

8:00 am – Hair dried. Back at desk. Answering emails. Seriously. What did people do before email? Did they actually do any work?

9:00 am – Grandfather clock starts playing Westminster chimes. SD2 jumps up, runs to top of stairs and starts barking. She barks 9 times, like the bongs.  Then flops down as if she’s worn herself out with the effort. I tell her the clock tells us the time, her endeavor is not needed, too.

9:52 am – Somehow Deep In the Heart of Texas gets stuck in my head. They say that anywhere inTexas, you can sing out loud, “The stars at night are big and bright” (clap clap clap) and someone, somewhere within hearing distance will finish the line, “deep in the heart of Texas!” Not working so well in my house. SDs are conferring on a pillow about whether Momma has lost it or not.

10:26 am – Plug in hot rollers. Answer a few more emails. Return to bathroom and roll hair. Start on makeup. Hear what sounds like the garbage truck. Oh crap! Have not taken garbage out to curb. Hurriedly yank curlers out of hair because do not want to be seen with curlers in my hair by neighbors. Curlers and clips everywhere in bathroom. Run downstairs. Realize I’m not really dressed to go out in public (no supporting undergarments). Grab denim top, button it up. Yank garbage can out to curb. Make it just in time as garbage truck is coming around the corner. Whew! Still have one curler in hair. Great.

1:05 pm – Had fantastic lunch with Alesha. Much needed girl-time and catch up. Wish we had all afternoon to sit and just talk! Must be lonely for human interaction. I love SD1 & 2, but well, they lack verbal skills. Besides, I fear they are plotting against me.

1:25 pm – Stop at Sally’s Beauty Supply on way home. Finally buy what I need.  Walking back to car, accosted by a woman who sends my alert level to orange. Thinking hand should be in purse on gun, maybe. What is it about this shopping center and weirdos and me? Anyway, she asks if this is my car. Yes. Asks if I’m an NRA member, pointing to sticker on my car. Not sure at this point who she is, but sneaky suspicion she’s a nut job anti-gunner. Gleam in her eye gives her away. Roll my eyes and respond, “No. I put it there to irritate people like you.” She tells me rolling me eyes is rude. Introduces herself as a member of Moms Demand Action. Oh goodie. I was right. Nut-job anti-gunner. Tries to tell me as a mother, it’s dangerous to have a gun around my kids, blah, blah, blah.  Have had enough. Smile sweetly and channel inner Julia Sugarbaker, “I’m so sorry you belong to that club of ignorant folks. Yes, ma’am, I’m a proud lifetime member of the NRA. I believe it is my right to own guns, to shoot guns and to protect my family and loved ones using my guns, if necessary. I also think it’s your right not to own a gun if you so choose. It’s a foolish decision, but it’s your right to make that choice. As for my guns, not one has ever gone off by itself and I can say with utmost confidence, my ‘children’ will not touch my guns.”  She huffs and puffs and starts prattling on about how no one needs to carry a gun, blah, blah, blah. I put up my hand to shut her up. “Ma’am, are you from California?” Question throws her off. She responds that she is and asks how did I know.  Did not like my answer. “Because you positively reek of the air of liberal progressivism that permeates that state. I suggest that if you intend on living here, you need to come to terms with the fact that Texans are friendly, gun-toting people. And you better pray that if you ever need to be defended, that one of those friendly, gun-toting Texans decides that you’re worth it.  Ammo is expensive.” Get in my car, drive home. Laugh as I pull into garage. So glad I have ability to think on my feet.

4:26 pm – Listening to Elvis’ A Little Less Conversation. Damn you, Christopher Walken! This song has the right amount of cowbell!

6:45 pm – SD1 & 2 fed and pottied. Now SD1 is on couch with me, chewing on his orange ball. SD2 is somewhat chasing her green ball, but really wants the ball SD1 has. She comes over to couch, attempts to abscond with it. While holding it from her, I fail to see SD1 preparing to pounce out of the corner of my eye. Will not ever forget the feel of a 65 1/2 pound bulldog launching himself at my head. Pretty sure pain won’t subside for a while, either.

8:15 pm – Call it a night. Can barely keep eyes open. Text the Hubs that I’m going to bed. Spoiled dogs are already snoring. Wake them up and chase them outside to potty. SD2 doesn’t even fight about getting off of couch anymore. Bribery perhaps worked? We shall see.

8:20 pm – SD1 & 2 have pottied and are now chasing along fence line with neighbor dogs. Sigh. Get rice krispy treat. SD1 comes running. Give him piece. SD2 sees this and comes to get hers. Both go into crates easily. Think we’re all very tired. Tomorrow is Saturday. How long will they let me sleep? How pathetic am I? In bed before 8:30 pm on a Friday. Definitely no longer in my 20’s. Don’t actually want to be in my 20’s, just want energy I had back then.

8:22 pm – Massive explosion of Benadryl all over bathroom while trying to open bottle. Apparently way too tired to do simple things. Pick up small, bright pink pills. Grateful for horrid color-makes it easier to find them. Put them all back in bottle. Secure lid. Realize I put them all back in. Open bottle again, carefully shake out two. Secure lid a second time. Take pills, go to bed.

8:32 pm – Head hits pillow…out.

12:34 am – Benadryl must have worn off as I’m suddenly wide awake and nose is plugged again. Get up, go to bathroom, carefully open Benadryl bottle. Take two more. Go back to bed. Turn on movie watched dozens of times. Fall right to sleep. Three, maybe four, more days to go.