6:30 am – Did not hear alarm go off. Realize did not set alarm. Other than midnight adventure downstairs, slept through night. Feel much better. Get up, check work email. Head downstairs.

6:52 am – Note with some pleasure that SD1 has not thrown up. He’s still asleep. Scratch his head and make kissy noises. Think anyone witnessing this would find me certifiable. SD1 eventually stretches and stands up.  I give him kisses. Hope this is a sign of a better day. Let SD2 out of her crate before she crashes through. Super hyper jumping and twirling. Realize she puts in more cardio in the first 5 minutes than I do all day. Mental note made to change that. (Me, not her).

7:05 am – Chop more chicken for SD1 and mix with rice. Attempt to give pills. He will eat whipped cream, but not fluff. Pills are in fluff. Epic failure. Will try again later. Give SD2 the leftover bowl from SD1 last night. This dog is definitely not Mikey. She will eat anything. Breakfasts consumed. Empty dishwasher. Notice that bulk of dishes are dog-related – water pails, food bowls, spoons for meds and mixing. This is suspiciously like the amount of laundry I’ve done this week. Two loads for them. And they don’t wear clothes. Must re-examine what is going on in my life.

8:22 am – Ridiculous email received. Scratch head and then craft response. Reply back is, “Oops. You’re right.” I may print and frame this. I have it in print that at least once, I was right. Back to work.

9:38 am – What a difference a day makes. Love fest going on under my desk. SD1 & 2 are washing each other’s faces as I reply to emails.

9:45 am – Love fest short lived as SD1 needed to potty. He rings bell downstairs. Sigh. Finish my email then take them outside. They both flop down on patio in sun. Urge them to potty. Beg them to potty. Go inside and shut door to ignore them. They go potty. Now they won’t come in. Bribery not working. Momma chasing behind them yelling, ‘Yah!!’ apparently does. Sometimes wonder if I am on Candid Camera.

10:45 am – Fall asleep at desk while replying to email. Three pages of jibber jabber nonsense from my hand resting on keyboard. Just glad I didn’t inadvertently hit send.

11:16 am – Mysterious text from the Hubs with video. Perhaps I’m still too sleep deprived as it makes no sense. Video also very grainy.

12:30 pm – Realize had not put dinner on in crock pot yet. May not eat until midnight at this rate. Head downstairs and quickly throw it all together.  Crisis perhaps averted. Is it too early to start drinking?

1:18 pm – House smells good with dinner cooking. Love Mom’s beef stroganoff recipe. Must remember to start rice at decent time. SD1 & 2 snuggled under my desk. Need shower, but spent “lunch hour” making dinner. The irony is not lost on me. Finally get SD1’s pills into him. Mental note to delay his evening pills until closer to bed.

2:00 pm – Must be the 2 o’clock witching hour for SD2. Grandfather clock chimes. We are upstairs, clock is downstairs. Again, she freaks out and barks. Twice. Is she counting the chimes out loud? Never really sure with her. Behavior is odd. Does not happen for any other time of day. Very glad clock is silent after 10:00 pm.

3:41 pm – Clerical error, noted 6 weeks ago, on a client invoice, rears its ugly head and requires two hours of back and forth for everyone to understand that the issue has already been fixed.  Because no one reads emails, it snowballs. Pound head on desk to make it hurt less. Again, is it too early for an adult beverage?

3:56 pm – Phone rings. It’s a solicitation phone call so I answer the phone, “No soliciting” and hang up. Not in my A game today. Still need more sleep.

4:02 pm – SD1 decides to join me in my office, and climbs onto cot. I get up to go give him some love and discover a puppy puke spot I missed yesterday. Sigh. Get rug cleaner and sponge and clean up.See another one. Thought I was on top of it yesterday. SD1 snores through the whole thing. Really want a shower and sleep.

4:45 pm – Showered, hair dried, ready to go downstairs and do housework. When a man’s work day ends, relaxation begins. When a woman’s work day ends, housework begins. Load dishwasher, mostly dog-related. Can now drink.  Pour small glass of wine. Didn’t spill. Improvement over earlier this week.

5:30 pm – Rice cooking for my dinner.  SD1 & SD2 have been outside and pottied. Now playing with their toys. Only SD2 drops hers and growls at SD1. She wants whatever he has. He’s not budging.  She forgets he’s a bulldog, too. This is entertaining to watch.

5:50 pm – 20 minutes of peaceful playtime over. SD2 attempted to exert her Alpha personality. Did not end well. Toys taken away. Two pouty bulldogs. Momma tells them she does not care. Takes sip of wine, promptly spills it down front. Checks in mirror for hole in lower lip.

6:30 pm – Beef stroganoff consumed. Probably more than should have but so worth it. Dishes done. Note floor is devoid of rice, kibble and chicken. SDs must be hungry.  Fix their dinners. They scarf them down like animals that haven’t been fed in weeks. Very glad no witnesses.

7:00 pm – Hour of edgy text conversation with the Hubs. Realize I’m being ridiculous (as per the usual) and that I’m tired and cranky and that I miss him. It’s not a pretty combination. Tell him this and apologize. Feel slightly mollified when he calls. Didn’t realize how much I missed him. Or how much work the pups are on one’s own.  The Hubs facetimes with the SDs.  No response. They like to do that with their maternal grandma. Think they are mad that he’s not home. Will keep eye on them to prevent destruction of something of his.

7:56 pm – SD2 on couch. Minor damage done to Everlasting Treat Ball by her jaws of death. Chuckle to myself that the SDs have their very own ‘Willie Wonka’ toy. Look around family room for Mr. Slugworth. Realize SD2 is Veruca Salt, Augustus Gloop and Violet Beauregarde all rolled into one. Heaven help us! SD1 is more like Charlie. Think thoughts in my head should render me suitable for commitment any moment now.

9:00 pm – Bedtime! SD2 willingly gets off the couch, which is minor, but appreciated, miracle. Shoo them outside to potty. Both sit in grass, do nothing. Sigh. Bring them back in. Both head right to crates and lay down. Give each love and a treat.

9:35 pm – Praying Benadryl kicks in soon. Head on pillow, eyes wide open. Sigh.

10:45 pm – Debate taking more Benadryl. Think better of it. Think maybe shot of Amaretto in some milk, then think probably not a good combo with Benadryl. Sigh. Give in and turn on TV.

12:30 am – still wide awake. Now have headache. Take Advil, drink lots of water. Put Salon Pas patches on my back. Look like I’ve been in bad accident requiring lots of bandaids. Think the Hubs can’t sleep because he doesn’t have T-Giggles sleeping next to him, smelling like old people.Will mention that to him in the morning.

12:50 am – Drank too much water with Advil. Now have to pee. Great.

1:30 am – Need to pee again. Can I just lay here and maybe feeling will stop?

1:40 am – Nope. Gotta pee. Get up.

2:33 am – Gotta pee again. Think the 3 bottles of water consumed between dinner and bedtime, coupled with bottle of water consumed to ingest Advil was really bad plan.

3:52 am – Still awake. Nothing on TV.  Go through DVR. Play The Holiday. Fall asleep 5 minutes into movie.